And The Fork Ran Away With The Spune
by JSparks
Summary: When the most amazing person in the world joins the Brawlers...ME! Just kidding it's totally not based on me...Fools... Slight language but not really.
1. Chapter 1

_Oh Brawl, I just can't seem to stay away from you. If you're looking for a dramatic story (like all of my other ones) filled with love, heart-wrenching confessions, the possible murder/suicide, then stop right here. I'm taking a break from those for now. I really need a distraction from the real world right now..._

**Introducing Spune: The Greatest OC That Has Ever Lived And Is Definitely Not Based On the Author**

The Smashers all sat in the living room enjoying some quality television.

"And then this hippo just comes at me like a freakin bull." Red sighed as he watched the tiny orange creature with hair that defied gravity go on about yet another fight she had been in. He reached for the remote but cried out when his hand was smashed against the wooden tabletop.

Captain Falcon lifts his foot off the growling trainers hand, "Hey mate, I'm watchin' that! I need to find out if Jwoww's gonna get her ass kicked!" Red rolled his eyes as the racer sat back down in front of the television, eyes glazing over. He could practically hear his brain melting.

A small knock sounded on the front door. Being the curious... thing... he was, Kirby decided to investigate. Puffing himself up and floating to the peephole, in the cheater way that he does, he peers out. Standing on the porch is a young girl. But not too young, of course, probably around... Hmmm... Just throwing out a random number here, 18? _Heh heh, idiots. They'll never catch on..._

Kirby looks suspiciously around, "What was that?"

_Nothing. What are YOU talking about?_

Kirby continues to search the room, looking for the source of the mysterious voice. After a good fifteen minutes he completely forgets what he was doing. So he decided to go get a snack. Because that's all Kirby does. Eat. And occasionally swallow. But you have to convince him.

The door cracked slowly open. "Hello?" The girl called hesitantly. She stepped into the grand entrance, dragging a large suitcase behind her. She spots the rest of the Smashers in the living room and goes to greet them.

"Hi everyone!" She waves excitedly at the crowd of fighters.

"Who are you?" Zelda asks, raising one eyebrow. Snake bolted up and rushed towards the strange girl.

"You must be the h-_friend, _uh, I ordered-I mean called to come... Um... visit me! That's it! I'll show you my room, heh." Snake grabbed her arm and began pulling her towards the staircase.

"Friend? But I've never met you before! I'm the new Smasher!" Snake dropped her arm, turned bright red, and whipping a box out of nowhere, curled up on the floor under said box.

"New Smasher? I didn't know we were getting a new one. Who did you have to fight to get in?" Link asked as he and the rest of the fighters gathered around her.

"No one. I didn't even know I was coming until a few minutes ago. I was just receiving an award from the mayor for saving ten children from a burning building when all of a sudden, I was outside the mansion with only my luggage and a note saying I was to be the next Smasher." She said and smiled brightly.

"You didn't even have to fight anyone? Wow! You must be a great fighter! What's your name?" Ness exclaimed while jumping repeatedly in the air.

"Yeah, I guess so! I'm June!"

"June? That sounds familiar, isn't that the name of the author?" Roy said, scratching the back of his head confusedly. Suddenly, a gaping hole appeared underneath the flaming swordsman. He fell into the pitch black abyss, never to be seen again, his agonizing screams continued to echo well after he had disappeared.

"Did I say June? I meant... uh... Ru-no... hmm... Spune?" The girl sputtered.

"Your name is Spoon?" said Samus dryly, looking unimpressed.

"NO! It's SpUNE! Spoon would just be stupid..." Spune shouted at the metal-clad woman.

"Are you sure you're not based on the author?" The bounty huntress said skeptically.

"Of course not! Sure, we both have long brown hair and hazel colored eyes, but tons of people do! And there are thousands-no, _millions_ of 3/8 Filipino, 1/8 Spanish, half Irish/German/Swedish girls from Northern California out there! And if I were based on the author would I have this rockin' body and set of huge, unrealistically proportioned boobs? Which are completely natural, by the way." Spune gestured to her model-ish figure. "I mean, no one ever in the history of FanFiction does that!"

"Sounds like a pretty convincing argument to me." Ike said, drooling at Spune's pure amazingness. Marth nodded enthusiastically. Spune giggled and waved flirtatiously at the two swordsmen.

The rest of the Smashers shook their heads in agreement.

"So tell us about yourself, Spune." Zelda asked her new best friend.

"Well, I'm just a simple girl, really. I was born in a small town and the village medicine woman proclaimed that I would grow to be the most awesome person alive, so the citizens threw a parade in my honor. They showered me and my parents with gifts and built us a new house made of solid gold. We lived there for my whole life, which was very modest, by the way. I never had everything, mind you, I mean my one year birthday diamond earrings were only 4 carats!" Spune blushed and laughed delicately.

"High school was a pretty difficult time for me, like everyone. I only made Homecoming Queen three times instead of four! But, I was voted Prom Queen all four years, even though that's impossible. But, I deserved it! And it's not like I was even the most popular girl in school. True, all of the boys, and most of the girls, wanted to date me, but I stayed focused on my studies! I learned so much in school, I especially loved learning about missionaries and scissors! I was quite a nerd, I think I spent one whole hour all by myself one Saturday! How embarrassing!"

The rest of the Smashers stared in awe at the glorious girl. The room seemed brighter, sounds more melodious, the very air tasted sweeter in her presence.

"Aw, you guys are so sweet to listen to boring, old me! I'm so tired from my long journey!" Spune yawned and stretched seductively. But she wasn't trying to. It was just her natural action.

Ash... Red jumped in front of her and flexed his wimpy muscles. "Do you want some water? I can get it easily with my Squirtle! He kind of just pukes it up, but I'm sure it's fine!"

Spune patted his arm and thanked him graciously, "Thank you, but I only drink water that was created especially for me!"

Spune reached into her backpack and pulled out a shining golden can. _The Water of the Angel Known as Spune_ was printed in fancy lettering on the side. Spune pulled a small dagger out of her pocket and stabbed the side of the can. Tipping her head backwards, she shot-gunned the water like a champ. Tossing the empty can behind her, she burped loudly, rubbed her stomach and laughed a tinkling little chuckle.

"Now, will someone please show me to my room?" Spune said politely. The Smashers all shoved each other trying to get closer to the beautiful girl.

"I will!" Samus jumped up.

"No, me!" Link kicked the huntress in the head and stepped over her unconscious body.

"Fuck him! Let me show you!" Marth elbowed his way to the front of the throng.

Link glared at Marth for dropping the F-bomb. "How dare you say that in front of such a magnificent lady! You will pay!"

He drew his Master Swords at the same instant Marth drew his Divine Blade of Legends, or just Falchion for short. The two great swords clashed as most of the other Smashers were knocked backwards.

"I shall be the one to show her!" Marth exclaimed.

"Never!" Link shouted as the swordsmen slashed at each other.

Zelda pushed her way out of the dazed crowd and took hold of Spune's hand. "Follow me, those two are much too busy!"

"Okay!" Spune said as the Hylian princess dragged her upstairs. The rest of the Smashers yelled in anguish at seeing the angelic girl disappear around a corner.

How had they ever survived without her before?

* * *

_Yay! First update of 2011! What's this? I actually wrote a comedy, not a drama? Crazy talk! Well, I hope it was at least a little funny for you! I just needed to write about something fun and happy._

_Let me know what you think!_

_P.S. I hope someone as dirty as I am reads this, otherwise a lot of stuff sounds completely useless ;)_


	2. Chapter 2

_What is this? I actually updated? Geez about time! Sorry for the long wait, this annoying thing called real life got in the way..._

_**Disclaimer:** I never do these, but someone pointed out that I should on one of my other stories *coughreadthewhisperercough* so now I will. I don't own Super Smash Brothers. I don't own any of the characters. Except for Spune. Who is most likely going to be added into the next game because of her pure awesomeness. _

_WTF FF why won't you let me do center align? Now that title is just going to annoy me..._

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**No One Can Resist ME! Uh... I Mean Spune...Heh.**

Spune awoke to the sound of birds chirping. She rose from the huge bed covered in silk sheets and velvet blankets. The bed had originally belonged to Master Hand, but he had generously traded her saying that the twin sized one would be better for his arthritis._ Heh heh... because he's a hand..._

Spune checked herself in the large mirror atop the vanity. Her chestnut hair was sleek and perfect. Her face was radiant and her skin glowing. It was as if she had just stepped out of a beauty salon. But she hadn't. She was just THAT god damn beautiful.

She threw on a silken robe then crossed the room to the window. Opening it wide, she spied a small flock of birds perched on a cherry blossom tree singing in perfect harmony. They all swayed and flapped their wings excitedly when they spotted her. Spune laughed and leaned out her window, trying to get a better look at them. The birds flew up and into the shape of a heart, tweeting merrily.

Something shiny in the corner of her eye caught her attention. She looked towards the oak tree the was also conveniently next to her window.

"What could that have been? It almost looked like the reflection of a pair of binoculars, but that's impossible. Why would someone be in a tree anyway?" Spune spoke aloud to herself. She turned away from the window and shed her robe and threw off her nightgown. Behind her, a mysterious figure hiding in the tree lost his balance and fell, tumbling two stories to the grass below. He landed with a loud thump and grimaced as he rolled away.

Spune dressed quickly in a short, flowery dress and skipped downstairs to the dining room where the rest of the Smashers had been sitting for hours, waiting in anticipation for their queen to arrive. Upon her entering, they all stood up and wildly waved their arms, trying to bring her to them.

"Sit by me!" Snake shouted.

"No! He's gross! Come over here!" Peach beamed as she swiftly kicked Snake's legs out from under him. He fell, smashing his face against the table edge and crumpling to the floor. Peach shoved him further under the table and pulled out his empty chair.

"Well, I guess I'll sit there since no one else is." Spune said as she made her way to her seat.

The whole room groaned in despair except for Peach and Marth who high-fived over the empty chair. She sat down between the two royals and reached for an empty plate.

"Oh boy, am I starving! Hey, where's Link?" Spune scanned the Smashers but couldn't find the elf boy anywhere.

"Oh, him? That tool's at the medic." Marth said as he exaggeratedly yawned an draped his arm around the stunning girl's shoulders.

Peach elbowed his hand into the wooden chair backing. He shrieked with pain and pulled his hand back to himself. The princess smiled and pretended to stretch as she hugged herself against Spune. "He broke his arm somehow. He won't tell anyone how it happened, but he was covered in twigs and leaves. By the way, Spune I adore your dress!"

"Why, thank you! It was created when the designer saw me walking by his shop. He made an entire line of clothing dedicated to me! They were huge hits on the runway! But that's really nothing special, I mean there are three other designers who have made clothing based on me. One line has a picture of my face on every piece! But it's no big deal, really." Spune said modestly and blushed.

Peach yelped as Marth stabbed his fork into her wrist. He grinned at the glorious girl, "So, Spune, what are your plans for today?"

"I'm not sure, but I was hoping someone could show me around. And show me some fun things to do, if you know what I mean." Spune said daintily as she rapidly shoveled scrambled eggs into her mouth.

* * *

"Wow, Marth. That was amazing! Where did you learn how to do that?" Spune gasped for breath as she fanned her sweaty face and leaned against the arm of the couch they were seated on.

"Years of practice." Marth panted and grinned.

For the last hour the two had been doing some hot, kinky, hardcore...

Knitting.

Those scarves get all kinked up if you make them too tight, and Charizard happened to be practicing his fire breath nearby. What were you expecting? It's not like they were-*gasp* you _pervert_...

Spune stood, straightened her dress, and waved flirtatiously at the prince as she waltzed out of the room.

She strolled into the kitchen where Zelda and Ike were talking. When she entered, they both stopped their conversation and immediately rushed towards her.

"There's something I must confess!" Ike pulled a huge bouquet of flowers from behind his back. He must have recently ripped them out of the garden, for dirt still clung to the tangle of roots. "Spune, ever since I laid eyes on you I can't stop thinking of you! I love you!"

Ike grinned expectantly. "I'm so sorry, Ike, but I really can't focus on love right now. I need to keep my head in the competition." Spune said and patted the mercenary's muscular shoulder.

Ike howled and threw down the flowers. He jumped on them repeatedly before running, screaming and crying, outside and slamming the door behind him.

"But we can always still fool around!" Spune called cheerily after him.

"Now that he's gone, let me show you something!" Zelda grabbed Spune's arm and dragged her to the counter. There were several cupcakes on display, all with some kind of leering trolls decorated onto them with frosting. Some had purple eyes and the other half had a mix of green and brown that looked vaguely like vomit. "I made them for you all by myself! See, those are me and these are you!"

"Wow! Thanks Zelda!" Spune picked one up and shoved a Zelda into her mouth, whole. Zelda beamed as Spune forced a smile. It tasted like Donkey Kong ass on a hot day.

Zelda laughed and clapped her hands then turned to get one herself. Behind her back, Spune spat out the cupcake and gulped down three cans of Spune Water.

"Thanks again, Zelda! But uh... I forgot I have a... um... Yeah! See you later!" She sprinted out of the room as Zelda stuffed a cupcake into her mouth, odd colored frosting coating her face.

* * *

_Keep it in your pants. That's all I have to say._


	3. Chapter 3

_**Disclaimer:** It's not mine. Only the situations and the greatest character of all time, Spune._

_To ClumsyHeart: Aw thanks! Hahaha, what? Isn't that what everyone's knitting experiences are like?;)_

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**Who The F*ck Dares To Call Spune A Mary Sue?**

Spune leaped out of bed to the sun shining beauteously in her bedroom. It was going to be a great day, it was the day of her first battle! She couldn't wait to show the other Smashers what she could do!

The majestic beauty skipped down the halls, singing a happy tune. The walls stood straighter and the lights shone brighter when she passed. The entire mansion seemed to be more pleasant while she was inside it. The whole world, in fact, was a much better place to be while Spune resided on it.

Spune twirled into the dining room to join the fellow Smashers. There was the usual battle to gain her attention, Link ended up being sent to Doctor Mario after Samus sent him flying across the room, crashing into a stack of silverware. In the end, Spune decided to sit in the empty seat between Snake and Captain Falcon.

"Wow, Snake! I've never met a real ninja before!" Spune said admiringly.

"Well, you know. I _am_ the best around!" Snake flexed his muscles and grinned creepily at the young girl.

"I didn't know Snake was a ninja." Ness said skeptically while raising one eyebrow.

_He's not really a ninja. But he's the closest thing we have to one. Otherwise he'd just be some creeper who watches people from under a cardboard box. That doesn't scream pervert at all!_

"Oh yeah!" Ness chuckled. The rest of the Smashers chortled merrily as Snake turned beet red and curled under his box and scuttled away. After bumping into several pieces of furniture and random objects, all the while letting out a steady stream of curses, he made his way to the kitchen. He then proceeded to blindly inch along until he tumbled down the cellar stairs, landing with a loud whack followed by a groan. Samus jumped up, using Lucas' and Mario's heads as human hand holds to push herself into the air, across the table, into Snake's seat.

"Hey, gorgeous! Are you ready for your big match today?" Samus asked brightly.

"Oh, I hope so! I'm kind of nervous!" Spune said as she pulled a mountain of pancakes towards her.

"Who are you battling, dearest girl whom I hope to one day call my own?" Captain Falcon inquired in his Australian accent.

_**Why does he always have an Australian accent in your stories?**_

_Why do you feel the need to question it?_

_**Well, he doesn't actually have one. You are making everyone way out of character!**_

_Um, excuse me, but is this your story?_

_**No, but-**_

_Yeah, I didn't think so b*tch._

Anyway, Spune paused as she lifted a forkful of pancakes to her lips. "It's a five stock battle against Peach, Jigglypuff, and Luigi."

"Oh, you'll win for sure!" The racer exclaimed.

"I don't know, they're all really great fighters!" Spune mumbled, casting her gleaming hazel eyes downwards.

"Hahaha! Aw, Spune! You are so funny! You are a riot! You should be a comedian! Everyone knows Jigglypuff is completely useless! And Luigi? Don't even get me started!" Samus guffawed. The rest of the Smashers burst out laughing while nodding in agreement. Jigglypuff lay on the ground a few feet away, sleeping. Because that's all she does. Sleep. Around. Anywhere. What a whore.

Luigi shoved himself away from the table and stood defiantly.

"I am not-a useless! I'm-a good-a fighter!" Luigi screamed, placing his hands on his hips.

"Luigi, just-a face it! You're-a like-a the wimpier version of-a me-a!" Mario said, patting his brother on the back.

"Well-a, I guess-a I can't argue with-a that." Luigi sighed and sat back down.

Suddenly, Master Hand hovered into the room and loudly announce, "The Smashers scheduled for the match today must please make their way to the stadium! You will be battling on the Battlefield stage!"

"Well, I guess I'd better go!" Spune skipped out of the dining room, followed by a loud chorus of 'Good Lucks'.

* * *

Spune squinted her eyes in the bright lights of the battlefield. She had just magically appeared there and was waiting for the other Smashers to make their way on stage. She smiled excitedly when they shimmered into view. Peach dusted off her pink silk dress and waved daintily at the new girl. Jigglypuff rubbed the sleep from her creepy eyes while Luigi spun around several times, looking lost.

Suddenly, everything was a blur around the spectacular human being known as Spune. Peach was using a frying pan to smash in Jigglypuff's face, as Luigi ran after a huge wooden box. Upon crushing the box, several items flew out.

The next thing she knew, a giant black hammer lay in Spune's hands. How it had gotten there, she had no clue. She was overpowered by the sudden urge to run back and forth with the hammer, beating anything in her way to a bloody pulp. The angelic girl cackled maniacally as Peach, Jigglypuff, and Luigi flew out of sight.

They whizzed back into sight and stood on platforms floating above Spune's head. Spotting a black line on the ground, she decided to investigate. Grabbing one side and pulling it back, the black line widened into a huge gaping hole-

_**Did you just make up an item?**_

_*Exasperated sigh* Yes, I did._

_**You can't do that!**_

_Why not? _

_**You just can't! You can't just go around making stuff up as you go!**_

_You know what? That's kinda the point of this story, if you haven't noticed._

_**But it's all wrong!**_

_I don't know how to tell you this, but... I don't give a f*ck._

…_**.**_

What was I saying? Oh yeah.

Grabbing one side and pulling it back, the black line widened into a huge gaping hole that seemed to stretch on and on forever. The three Smashers couldn't escape as they fell from their platforms into the dark abyss. They fell screaming, wildly kicking and waving their arms and legs, trying to stop the fall. The hole closed, leaving nothing behind.

Spune giggled as they reappeared on their platforms overhead. Peach's hair was wild and blown back off her face, her crown hanging by a few strands of hair. Luigi's hat was missing and Jigglypuff kept rocking back and forth, her eyes darting back and forth. All three Smashers' eyes were wide open and haunted. Spune smiled brightly as they jumped down and ran towards her.

As they neared, Spune yawned and reached into her pocket. She pulled out a miniature rainbow sphere. It was a tiny Smash Ball. The perfect specimen crushed it between her delicate hands. Spune began to glow as the power of the Smash Ball flowed through her.

"Good thing I always keep a never-ending supply of these with me!" Spune sang happily as she floated into the air.

She tossed her head, her rich brown locks rippling down her back. She fluttered thick black eyelashes over stunning hazel eyes.

Peach, Luigi, and Jigglypuff all stared at the most glorious thing they had ever seen in their entire lives. Spune's pure beauty blasted them straight off the stage. Spune grinned dazzlingly as she gently floated back down.

The power of her beauty was so strong, that it had completely finished off the challengers! Spune had won the battle!

Spune jumped into the air, triumphant 80's music blasting and swirls of bright colors surrounded her. Soon, the other Smashers had gathered onto the stage and lifted her onto their shoulders, cheering.

"Spune! Spune! Spune! Spune! Spune!"

They continued to cheer as they carried their queen back to the mansion.

* * *

_For everyone who thinks this story is a parody: You are wrong. This is obviously __completely serious and not to be laughed at. You fool. _

_I think this is my favorite chapter title I've ever made :)_


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